Being alone

Just read my cousin's blog about her mum calling her because she (my aunt) was feeling lonely. Although I am a lot younger than my aunt, I understand her predicament and it did make me feel a trifle sad.

It is not that I want company all the time; it is not that I have to get tons of phone calls every day but some days, only some days, life seems empty and you feel that you've been forgotten. The children are all grown and are very busy with their own lives participating in the rat race and my own friends are also busy with their own families and so, I feel that I cannot or should not bother them. So, I sit at home and try to keep busy. There is only so much cleaning, reading, sewing I can do! After a while, even the cat runs away from all the caressing. Yes, she runs and hides because I am bothering her when she wants to sleep.

When this feeling creeps in, I usually call my youngest daughter in Calgary. Unfortunately, I always call, either on a Saturday or Sunday, too early and wake her up. Sometimes, I call my grand daughters just to hear their voices. Perhaps this is why people who live alone always keep either their radios or televisions on in the background. Worry sets in if I cannot reach any of them or they do not return my call after a long period of time. I think this is the "Mother Hen Syndrome" or the fact that the mind is idle and a lot of negative thoughts creep into it. Who knows?

I have a big regret that I did not speak to my parents more often. The circumstances were different then. They lived in Malaysia and I lived in NY/Canada and it was very expensive to call ... or was that an excuse. I did write often though. Still, knowing what I know now I should have made the effort. Hindsight is 20/20. It is too late now and I hope they didn't feel that they had outlived their usefulness and I pray that they knew that I loved them a lot.

When my cousin urged her readers to speak to their parents more often, I cannot agree more. It will serve dual purpose ... they would feel remembered and you would feel good. It will give everyone a warm fuzzy feeling.

Talking about warm, fuzzy feeling ... I am off to pet the cat. Datin, where are you? Come to Mummy!